The highlight of 2003 Reading Open was the appearance of the Hot Shot Girls.  The theme of this Reading Open was diversity and inclusion.  The field consisted of homos, lesbos, Ricans, juvenile delinquents, felons, midgets, amish dudes, former boy scout leaders, communists, jews, elitists, morons and just plain dopes. And in other news, sko won the championship – sort of.

The tourney started on Friday with a 12 man turn out for the pro/am and sko (a little foreskin here) posted the low score of 88 and luke won all the money by putting it inside witzee on the closest to the pin on # 9.   Later that night back at the howard dump, two mental giants had a socio-political summit  and solved most of the worlds problems with burnsie only resorting to name-calling once or twice (Pops, you’re a F&**ing idiot!).  The boys played poker but sko sat upstairs waiting for updates on the tour de france   Even Maggie made an appearance.

For all the videos - click here

The “meet the players”cocktail party just wasn’t the same without cuzzin jim drinking the first bloody mary but luke and steph kicked the party of with a toast..   

A few of the former champions failed to show (rat was hunting with his posse and cuz zin jim went fishin) making the field unspectacular although several former stars made an appearance but were too good to play from the white tees.

There was a close call in the best hat competition but burnzee easily won the best dressed award.

Mark P once again recorded the low score but failed to win the tournament

Ben golf camp Polins played in a 5-some with luke, pops, wolfshit, and witzee and learned some golf ettiquite that they don’t teach at golf camp (be patient it is a video and may take a while to download).

Go to the Highlights page

Bill Yuods won "first to pay" and was awarded the "AT&T quality circle scrap reduction award" trophy with his name duct taped over the previous owner.  Believe it or not,  Ed "the tightwad" Boudman was actually the first to pay (at last year's Open) but he was disqualified for paying too early.

Some previous Open winners received the prestigious limited edition "Reading Open Champion" polo shirts to reward their efforts in previous Opens 

Hinkle's foursome won the Egg Timer award for the longest round (6 hours) in Reading Open History - if you don't count last year's round.

Matt Lipshitz graduated from winning the most honest golfer award to winning the accuracy on the first hole skill contest - dropping is ball just 4 feet from the center line and an amazing 120 yards from the tee.  Way to go Matt!! He won 4 tickets to a Temple Basketball game which they won handily

Golf camp Polins won the long drive award on # 6 mostly because no one could find the marker in the high rough - which was in the "vicinity of the fairway."  He was elated with the premium Varian Hat he received.

The long drive on # 14 was won by either Camels or Rosie de Palma - I don't really remember.  I think they got a trophy and some balls - and believe me, camels sure can  use a pair.

Sweat won the unadvertised long drive award by hiding the marker down near the 18th tee.   He refused the nice golf shirt donated by dave e boy because it was only an XL.

In the other long drive contest,  witzee won by driving 468 miles from NC but then had to leave early so pops stepped up to grab the award for the "long" drive from baltimore - it was a nice Tosoh insulated coffee mug - that cheap bastard witzee is gonna be mad.  Pops also took home the AT&T Drexel vanguard plaque mostly because I already had his name on it.

Meats received the life-time achievement award for all his contributions to the Reading Open over the years.  The three foot high Lucent Quality Circle facilitator of the year Obelisk looked good with the Meatseboy name on it.  He also received 3 shares of lucent stock - value = $4.57 before commision

The award for most honest golfer was a tie between the veteran mouse and rookie jeff loser kulp.  Seein as how mouse has won this trophy several times, he magnamimously declined and made Kulpee a happy man.

Biggest Hazard Award– Dave Calbach and the beautiful alicia, bianca, michelle  or whatever her name was decided to "Drive the Pavilion".  From the parking lot, they went past the cart garage, made a right after the pond, drove on the grass near the fourth green, found a cart path and drove the huge 4-wheel drive Suburban on the cart path along the 4th fairway, turned left at the 4th tee and pulled in for some food.  Click here to see what Bianca thought of the ride.

Pete lee won the longest putt contest dropping a 60 footer (or 60 inches??) through some tough obstacles to win some cheesey shirt.

Mike schraefer surprised himself by winning the Closest to Pin on hole #2 and received a swell trophy and almost new motorola shirt.

Deitz won the closest to pin (this has to be the first time he won any legitimate prize) and got a nice pair of AT&T game worn gym shorts 

Jimi H won #12 closest to pin and took home the nice XL golf shirt that Sweat refused.

Tansy the Pansy won the closest to pin on the most difficult par 3 (#13) and received a nice "Ink-pen"

Nobody won the drive the green contest on number 7 but that was only because ADS and the boys were playing from the blue tees.

Dave the Pollock won the tough guy award at #10 by using the driver (all you sissies who laid up with the irons should be ashamed) to smack the ball way passed the pond on the right.  Way to go Dave!   Sorry we only had the experienced prostaff balls left as a prize.

Now for the Serious Awards

On #15, closest to the pin on the second shot for the big money, Dave the Pollock reportedly hit to within 6 feet to pocket the $50

On #9, the easiest hole on the course, Jimi H recorded a remarkable feat by winning closest to the pin.  For the first time in Reading Open History, and maybe all of golf, a player from the first foursome actually won a money hole - now that's incredible.

On #18 - the BIG BIG MONEY HOLE,  Tom Casey dropped one within 10 feet and then sat an watched the hole (that untrusting bastard) to see if he could be legitimately beaten.  Well, Mark P, realizing he had no way of winning the Open Championship, put his effort into one final shot and dropped the ball to 7  feet 8 inches to win the $100.

In the Junior division,  Young Mouse Morrissey defeated young stud Morrissey in his irst Major in the battle of soon to be felons.

Ted Ford entered the tournament the day before and went on to win the senior division championship and ruin the plan to let Pops finally win something!  Nice going Ted!!

In the women's senior division, rookie rosie depalma outlasted the field of one and brought home the trophy with a respectable 103.  In addition to the fabulous trophy, burnzee dropped some viagra on her to help fitzee out.

Kel Lee (or something like that) "mrs gator" Wallace won the women's division by recording the third lowest score - some say the fix was in!

Mark P won the elite division with a score of 78osn

Brother-in-law Camels won the low net award (his wife will be ecstatic) mostly by lying about his handicap.

And last but not least,  Sko wins the Reading open championship